Why is it that as adults we feel we must do everything well – and do it without help?   We always encourage our children to “ask for help” from a teacher or coach when they are unsure…why don’t we?

 

Parenting is one of the most challenging experiences one can ever take on and yet we expect in today’s society for you to know automatically, by instinct, what to do at any given time. Even amongst trained parent professionals, I have yet to meet someone that wasn’t tested in their theories or approaches by one of their children. Venting or discussing difficulties among friends is often the first line of approach for parents for common issues (i.e., child won’t sleep alone, homework hassles, sibling rivalry, etc.). It can make a parent feel better temporarily, that they’re not alone, but too often you are still left with the problem when you walk into your home. Perhaps you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye on a parenting approach? Perhaps you’ve had conflicting advice from your relatives or friends?   You may have issues with your child that you are too embarrassed to discuss with people that know you?

 

Many parents book an appointment with their pediatrician and receive a long referral list for counselors and don’t know where to start. You may call a few from the list that look close to your house or perhaps a friend has heard of them. You may leave a message or find out that they are an hour drive, or you’ll have to pull your children out of school to make the appointment, or their first available appointment is in two months. Perhaps you finally get to the appointment to find out that you are not compatible, but now you’ve invested an entire evening there, filled out forms and had that counselor review your entire history. You can’t back out now!

 

Instead, savvy parents are now turning to the internet to find an online parent counselor. Online counseling offers the greatest flexibility in time and money saved for parents. Counseling for children has its place and is extremely valuable when dealing with childhood trauma, severe stress, significant parent conflicts or mental illness in the child. However, for most concerns centered around a child’s behavior, a counselor that works exclusively with the parent will note more effective behavioral change in the child! 

 

Parents may react – “But my child is acting out of control! How will my talking to an online parent counselor help the situation?” By following the traditional model of working with a child and their thought patterns in a clinical setting, minimal results are seen (particularly for children under the age of 12). Children may grow to trust the therapist, but their venting sessions may not generalize to settings outside the counseling office. Again, we are not discussing mental illness here. We are discussing behavioral, academic, motivational or familial conflicts. 

 

When the counselor addresses these issues with one or both parents, there is a greater probability of long term change. The reason being is that children are motivated to continue their behavior – particularly if the environment (and parent’s reactions) remains the same. Parents can unknowingly reinforce and strengthen negative behaviors as well. Parents that take the time to understand and analyze their child’s behavior with a licensed professional tend to be less stressed and have a stronger relationship with their children in future conflicts. Another supporting factor for working with parents alone is that the parent is a willing participant and children have not sought out counseling services nor show interest in making changes – their behavior is working fine for them!

Once parents start to see real behavioral changes, phone follow ups are critical so the family doesn’t fall back to old habits and see old behaviors reappear. It takes approximately 90 days to change behaviors long term. By modeling different reactions and enabling our children to make different choices in behaviors, they see that learning is a life-long process and that everyone can benefit from asking for help once in a while! 

 

 

Ready to get help with an online parent couselor with Parent Help Live?  Get started today!